Monthly Archives

October 2009

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Fashion Rewind: The Worst Witch

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It’s your first year at Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches, and nothing is going right. You can’t fly, your black cat is gray, you can’t even pull off a laughing spell. You must be the worst witch in the entire school! People are always saying your name — Mildred Hubble — in a really condescending voice. Miss Hardbroom has it in for you, for sure, so naturally you’re worried that you won’t pass your first-term exams to get your junior witch’s certificate. Thankfully the Grand Wizard is coming for Halloween. Finally, something to look forward to!

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Tune Time: An Open Letter to Julian Casablancas

Dear JC,

I’ve been listening to your leaked album over and over for days now, and let me just say I am so stoked to buy it when it (finally) drops next Tuesday. One of the first things I’ll do is go straight to the liner notes to find out what the hell the lyrics are in several spots because I’m obsessive like that. The lyrics I can decipher are pretty damn awesome, though, including “I know I’m going to hell in a leather jacket; at least I’ll be in another world while you’re pissing on my casket.” Good stuff!

Caught your performance the other night on “The Tonight Show.” Started off a bit awkward, huh? I don’t blame you. I haven’t seen you on stage since 2006, so, well, stop taking such long hiatuses. Since you don’t drink anymore, I have a few friendly suggestions to loosen you up before your performance next week at The Palace Theatre. First, you need to do some stretching to limber up. I’m not advocating yoga or anything, just your basic calisthenics. A few jumping jacks, perhaps even a few squats if your pants aren’t too tight. If you still feel tense post-stretch, might I also suggest channeling Jennifer Beals from “Flashdance” shortly before you storm the stage? Nothing like a little “She’s a Maniac” dance seizure to loosen up those limbs. (Break dancing not recommended unless it’s done by a double.) When you get on stage, you can use your looser limbs to wave real big to me. I say “real big” because I’ll be all the way in the back, probably (damn Ticketmaster).

Hope this helps!

Faithfully staring at the countdown clock on your website,
Me

Edit 11.03.09: No lyrics in the liner notes? WTF?! What are you saying in falsetto in the chorus of “Glass”? Is it “you’re in trouble now”? Please keep in mind that I must know these things for a proper sing-along.

Photoshoot: Antique Store

On a recent weekend morning Husband and I happened upon an antique store. From the outside it looked normal. And at first we found normal things.

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A pretty cool phone …

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A model airplane …
But the deeper we got into the store, the scarier it got.

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A heil-Hitler Ken doll wearing a very disturbing bow tie …

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And this clown whose sinister eyes were fraught with bad intentions … I wouldn’t be surprised if it came alive at night and ate the souls of young children.

Fashion Forward: Sequins

A few weeks ago I took the plunge and wore a sequined tank top I had thrifted more than a year ago. It had been sitting in my closet taunting me with its awesomeness (ooh, shiny!), but I was worried it would look too nightclub on its own. Turns out my worry was unfounded. I kept my makeup and jewelry minimal so it wouldn’t compete, then layered the tank top over a long-sleeved tee for dinner and a movie, leading Husband to comment that I was “sparkly” all night. Plus I was pleasantly distracted (ooh, shiny!) by glimpses of my sequins all night. So I wholeheartedly challenge you to take one sequined piece of clothing and make it work outside the discotheque. Here are some awesome items (new and vintage) to get you started.

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100 Movies: 44, 45

And the countdown continues in my quest to watch and find something inspiring in every single one of Yahoo’s 100 Movies to See Before You Die

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Mayor Vaughn: I’m only trying to say that Amity is a summer town. We need summer dollars. Now, if the people can’t swim here, they’ll be glad to swim at the beaches of Cape Cod, the Hamptons, Long Island…
Brody: That doesn’t mean we have to serve them up as smörgasbord!

This is one of those movies that I’ve seen bits and pieces of my entire life but never in its entirety, and now I know why. It’s one thing for a shark to relentlessly hunt swimmers and rip them apart while beach-goers scream helplessly — that’s believable — but when the shark manages to sink an entire ship, well, that’s when the movie jumps the shark (pun intended). There are valuable lessons to be learned though, so let this inspire you: It’s OK to get so drunk that you pass out face first in the sand, but do not, I repeat DO NOT, go skinny-dipping while intoxicated or you will be eaten by a sea creature. (I just got lucky all those times in Myrtle Beach in my early 20s.)

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Hotlips O’Houlihan: I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.
Father Mulcahy: He was drafted.

I have pleasant memories of seeing the opening credits of this TV series as I was growing up. I have even more pleasant memories of quickly turning the channel to avoid watching it. Now, now, I realize gajillions of people adore “M*A*S*H,” so I decided to watch the film with a completely open mind. And … and … and I still hate it. I don’t understand it; I don’t think it’s funny even in the most macabre way. The only thing I find slightly amusing is the theme song “Suicide is Painless,” and that’s because I’m all about tongue-in-cheek lyrics. But the entire movie was like one long flashback to family reunions where everyone is talking loudly and over one another and before you know it you’re popping chewable aspirin to preserve your sanity. I will say one thing, though, and it’s that I’m inspired to play MASH the game, something I probably did in my childhood while avoiding the TV series.

Tune Time: Love Psychedelico

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I can’t get enough of Japanese duo Love Psychedelico. It’s all Sara‘s fault. It started last weekend when she nonchalantly changed the CD in her car, unknowingly unleashing a can of worms that hasn’t stopped all week. “This is Love Psychedelico,” the band’s first American release, has been on repeat for hours because I’m so enamored with the ’60s-reminiscent pop rock sung alternately in Japanese and English. It’s so infectious I find myself making up words, much like I used to do for Michael Jackson songs that were sung too fast to understand (you did it, too, admit it).

Prepare to fall in love. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Fashion Rewind: Love Story

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There you were, just a smart-ass social zero working your way through Radcliffe when you meet Harvard hotshot Oliver, whom you immediately peg as being stupid and rich. He says something like, “I could be smart and poor.” You say, “No, I’m smart and poor.” He says, “Well what makes you so smart?” And you tell him you won’t have coffee with him. He says, “Well what if I wasn’t even gonna ask you to go out for coffee with me?” And you say, “Well that’s what makes you stupid.” He is drawn to your witty nature and you are drawn to his hockey moves. His father hates you, but you and Ollie don’t care. You get married, support him through law school and live in a crappy apartment. It’s perpetually cold. You’re constantly clad in a hat and scarf. Sometimes you make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while he completely ignores you to read some textbook, but it’s OK, because love means never having to say you’re sorry.

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Fashion Forward: “Tight” Tights

One of my childhood friends used to layer thick black tights under her jeans in the winter to keep warm. Once I saw her double layer the tights. Who knows, perhaps she still does it. I was always wowed by this, for reasons that now escape me. Maybe it was jealousy that her legs were thin enough to withstand multiple wrappings without looking thick. Maybe it was because I’ve always been one to run hot and it made me sweat just looking at her swaddling technique.

At any rate, I blame this childhood friend for my obsession with the styling of tights, an obsession that is rearing its ugly head this season with the elaborate styles that are in right now. I’m especially digging the colorful look — teal, purple, yellow, pumpkin — and I went on the search to find some in action.

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I think I will consult whiteapple any time I need style advice. She can do no wrong in my book.

Scroll down to see even more fun and daring looks:

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100 Movies: 42, 43

And the countdown continues in my quest to watch and find something inspiring in every single one of Yahoo’s 100 Movies to See Before You Die

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Children: [singing] Just you wait, it won’t be long.
The man in black will soon be here.
With his cleaver’s blade so true.
He’ll make mincemeat out of YOU!

And you thought, “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you,” was creepy. Fritz Lang’s thriller masterpiece starts off with the original schoolyard rhyme about a serial killer. That, along with the mass hysteria caused by neighborhood children’s deaths, the killer’s tell-tale whistling and the heavy-handed use of dark, ominous shadows, and you have a movie that serves as a springboard for scary movies for years to come, even if the ending is a little anticlimactic.

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Kasper Gutman: I couldn’t be fonder of you if you were my own son.
But, well, if you lose a son, it’s possible to get another.
There’s only one Maltese Falcon.

The best thing about film noir is the dialogue, and this film is a perfect example of that tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic talk that makes me giddy. The story is as convoluted as they come — bordering on the absurd so much that it reminded me of “The Big Lebowski”; I was just waiting for someone’s rug to get stolen — but you have to love a cast of eccentric fools who are all searching for a gold-encrusted statue of a bird, with Humphrey Bogart as the only voice of reason.