Yes, this is my eyeball.
Did you know that I’ve been writing a blog since 2003? Not this blog, obviously, but a blog? It’s true. All of my previous blogs had one thing in common: Some semblance of anonymity. And it’s totally different, public writing vs. private writing.
The first two blogs, very hidden and very private, ironically were also the most confessional. I would go into hilarious detail about anything and everything. For example, a tame entry from 2003:
I feel it necessary to tell you about our new evil alarm clock. First of all, it has enough buttons to qualify for a remote control to a spy submarine. I’m afraid to touch anything because I can’t even find the snooze button. So I tried to read the four-page instructional guide like a good owner, but I found the instructions lacking in several areas. Thinking I could gain further insight, I read the Spanish and French versions of the same instructions. I think I caught the French words for “piece of shit” in there somewhere. We finally go to sleep thinking we have it worked out — and believe it or not, the alarm went off! … And then again every other minute on the minute for the next five minutes. H yanks the plug out of its socket and runs off to the restroom thinking he had solved the problem. It then started beeping a special beep, as if to say, “You bitches cut off my electricity, but I will show you. Oh, yes, I will show you.” I had H dissect the monstrosity, and it finally stopped doing unnatural things.
This blog, however, is me at my most censored. The wide audience of this blog leads me to err on the side of caution. There are so many people I know in real life who are aware of its existence that I over-think everything I write and whether it can be misconstrued or seen as something that would deem me un-hireable in the future. I picture my boss reading it, thinking, “Who the hell is this person?”
It worries me a little that the blog with the widest audience also contains the least amount of “real” me. Even though I’m not actively veiling this blog, I often feel anonymous by way of omission and purposely vague entries.
Do I censor myself bland? And how do I strike that balance of professionalism and personality? Is it even possible? Have you had the same struggle with public writing vs. private writing? Thoughts?
