And the countdown continues in my quest to watch and find something inspiring in every single one of Yahoo’s 100 Movies to See Before You Die.
Joe Gillis: You’re Norma Desmond. You used to be in silent pictures. You used to be big.
Norma Desmond: I *am* big. It’s the *pictures* that got small.
Gloria Swanson is a has-been silent screen star who puts her hooks in broke screenwriter William Holden, who is a certifiable douchebag. He essentially becomes a kept man, enjoying his life of luxury, but sneaks out to “write” with another woman. True, living in the decrepit mansion with a delusional actress can be tough, especially with the creeptastic Erich von Stroheim acting as butler. (When you find out he’s not only the butler but also Gloria’s ex-husband, your skin will crawl.) Still, that’s no reason to be sarcastic and bitchy toward the woman who is just trying to get ready for her closeup. Oh, and she has a gun and she’s not afraid to shoot. Inspiration? It really is better to be broke than to be dead in your sugar mama’s pool.
David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf.* Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
Ian Faith: I really think you’re just making much too big a thing out of it.
Derek Smalls: Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.
How does a heavy metal band with a misplaced umlaut document its U.S. tour of small venues? With a mockumentary, of course! The history of the band is plagued with bad reviews (the album entitled “Shark Sandwich” is panned as “Shit Sandwich”) and drummers who die mysterious deaths (spontaneous combustion, choking on someone else’s vomit and a “bizarre gardening accident”). The best lesson from this laugh riot is to be precise with your instructions, lest you end up with a tiny stage replica of Stonehenge (in inches instead of feet).
