It’s natural to change as you age — to outgrow certain habits and get gray hair (ugh, don’t remind me), to change your tastes in everything from food to clothes. I have come to terms with the way I need coffee in the morning, and how I get hangry if I do not eat eggs for breakfast.
Then there are the things that creep up on you. Things you used to tolerate, maybe even enjoy, that now will throw you into a fit of rage. You can file this under: things you outgrow.
I had one of these epiphanies last week when I found out The Strokes are going to play a festival here in L.A. At first I got excited, flipping through my mental checklist of what I’d need to do to make this concert happen. Then I remembered: I don’t do festivals.
Why not? I’ll tell you why not.
1. Going to music festivals.
In the past I could camp out in front of the stage for hours, never daring to pee or leave for another beer. I got thrashed around, pushed, stepped on. I once feared for my life when I unwittingly got pulled into a mosh pit. These are all stories I remember (some fondly, others not so much). The key word here is “stories.” I’m past the age where it’s acceptable to stand outside, baking in the hot sun far from a decent bathroom, worrying about carving out a 2-foot-square human space and warding off claustrophobia while nursing a $10 bottle of water. Give me a venue with a roof, seat and elbow room, and we can talk about buying tickets.
2. Shopping at Forever 21.
I’d like to do my shopping without a side of ADHD and hearing loss, thankyouverymuch.
3. Watching SNL.
There was only a handful of years I found SNL funny, and those years passed a long time ago. I have this theory that each large cast change is worse than the last because I’m getting further and further away from the target aud. (For the record: I think the target aud is 12-18.)
4. Sleeping on the floor.
I just can’t. My back aches at the thought. No more slumber parties for me. Or drunken blackouts (not that this ever happened).
5. Wearing high heels.
In my 20s, my step-grandmother used to cluck at me in my stilettos, telling me horror stories about how decades of wearing heels destroyed her feet. I used to sneer at her and be all, “whatever,” but now I’m older and wiser. As with SNL, my window for wearing precarious high heels has passed, and I am totally fine with that, especially when I see other women teeter around me while I’m wearing comfortable flats.
What about you? Anything you feel like you’re too old for now?Credits: Shark sleeping bag, heels on wheels
