Credit: Juneberry Lane, who is masterful with her addressing skills, unlike me
After ruining more envelopes than I care to count and searching through past emails to find hints at names I’ve forgotten, I am ready to admit defeat. I’m no Martha Stewart.
Addressing holiday cards is getting the best of me. I had dreams of perfectly scrawled cards going to family and friends who haven’t heard from me in eons. I pictured them finding the card in their mailbox and instantaneously going, “ooh!” and “ahhh!”
Yeah, that’s not going to happen.
I knew it was going to be tricky when the same problems kept popping up. For instance, how should I address a card to someone who:
- got married and I’m not sure whether they changed last names
- has a significant other but I can’t remember his/her name
- has children but I can’t for the life of me remember the tots’ names
Holiday Card Etiquette
I turned to Google for guidance and found an article by Lydia Ramsey, whose instructions for addressing cards are as complex as learning to fly a space shuttle.
“When you address a couple, use titles, rather than professional initials. It’s “Dr. and Mrs. John Smith,” not “John Smith, M.D. and Mrs. Smith.” If both the husband and the wife are doctors, you write, “The Doctors Smith.” However, if they use different last names, you address the envelope to “Dr. John Smith and Dr. Mary Brown.” The husband’s name is placed first. If the wife is a doctor and the husband is not, you send your invitation to “Mr. John Smith and Dr. Mary Smith.”
Thank god I don’t know any doctors. It gets even worse:
When the husband has an unusually long name, the wife’s title and name are indented and written on the second line. When a couple is not married and share a mutual address, their names are written on separate lines alphabetically and not connected by the word “and.” When the woman outranks her husband, her name is written first. It’s “Major Mary Smith and Lieutenant John Smith.”
Personally, I don’t care for all the formalities. It feels stiff and dated.
That’s why you’ll get a card from me with just the bare essentials: first + last name.
Or first name only, in case I’m unsure how your last name goes nowadays.
Or nicknames, in the rare event I’m feeling jovial and trivial.
I would love it if you reciprocated the sentiment, although I’d prefer not to find mail in my box addressed to Messy Nessie. You know who you are.
