Heathers. This movie got me in so much trouble. A friend and I loved it so much we took our little boombox and recorded little snippets like, “What is your damage, Heather?” Only most of things we recorded were not PG-rated. Needless to say my parents were not amused when they heard me playing back some of the choice dialogue.
One of my favorite things about this movie was the fashion, and how each character had a signature color. What each Heather might wear today:
In between playing croquet in your backyard and calling your dad an idiot, you fall for the new boy at school, J.D. He’s dark, he wears a trenchcoat, he hates your friends. He’s so very. Plus he keeps coercing you into killing your classmates and making it look like suicide. Your teen angst bullshit now has a body count, you write into your diary. You’re Veronica Sawyer, and you wear blue.
You are the queen of the Westerberg High, the one everyone wants as a “friend or fuck,” and you are saturated in power. It’s easy for you to be abusive when your friends are all a bunch of idiots. It’s like they ate a brain tumor for breakfast. Your only solace is your love of Corn Nuts and your red scrunchie. Oh, and the fact that you get invited to Remington parties. You’re Heather Chandler, and you wear red.
You really are a follower. When Heather Chandler dies, you are devastated. You can’t believe she left behind one of her Swatches! Even though a boy takes you to tip cows on a date, you still put out in a pasture. Then he offs himself. You’re cursed, you think. So you call into a radio show and spill your problems only to be crucified by the whole school. Only one thing left to do. Attempt suicide in the most private place imaginable: the school bathroom. You’re Heather McNamara, and you wear yellow.
You have control issues. You read Moby Dick religiously and are a sometimes-bulimic. When Heather Chandler dies, you are ecstatic. It’s like her head was cut off and yours sprouted back in its place. You’re a megabitch because you can be, and it feels great. You’re on top of the world because you got the entire school to sign a petition to have Big Fun sing “Teenage Suicide” (don’t do it!) at prom. You’re Heather Duke, and you wear green.
