I’m starting to feel like a broken record here, but I feel like I have to rant again about the never-ending barrage on technology and, in particular, the much-maligned cellphone and the culture of phone-shaming I’ve been noticing online lately.
First, let me start with stating the obvious. It’s 2014.
Welcome to your life.
I happen to be a super nostalgic person. I mean, I write entire posts in which I yearn for music from 20 years ago. So I know a thing or two about nostalgia.
But I’m not a troglodyte.
I remember what it was like before cellphones. I can say unequivocally that they have only made my life better.
Things I now have at my fingertips: Maps, news, books, all of my friends A-Z on speed dial, camera, games, music, notepad, mail. Oh, and a PHONE. Instead of carrying around a huge bag with all of the above items, I now have them all in one small device.
So even though it seems we are spending more time on our phones, consider this. What if I stepped back a decade, pulled out and started reading a physical book in the commissary … instead of reading via the Kindle app.
Would you judge me as mindless? No? Why not? Isn’t it the same thing?
Before mobile phones were invented, people would have had no choice but to interact. However, that is no longer necessary as we can all now “pretend” we are doing something “important” on our devices rather than think of something to say. This is killing conversation. I believe it’s increasing social pain.
— The Death of Conversation / Bored Panda
Trust me, people always had the choice to not interact, well before cellphones. Assuming people didn’t fill that gap with a cigarette, with a book, with a newspaper (remember those?), It was called “sharing an uncomfortable silence.”
In high school one of my friends was very fond of noting lulls at parties and saying, “Every 17 minutes, there is a lull in conversation.” No one was ever sure if he was full of it. None of us had cellphones at the time, so we couldn’t Google his claim.
I don’t know what kind of parties you are going to, but I’ve rarely been in a social gathering in which people are all just sitting around staring at their phones.
People will check them, sure, but this is brief, fleeting moment, a flicker of time in the life of the party. They are checking the time, checking their email for an important message, tweeting a funny quip, taking a selfie. Then they are back to face-to-face interaction, even though “studies say” this interaction is sub-par.
I’ve never seen a mass phone-staring contest like the one phone-shamers are so certain happens all the time.
It frustrates me to see roundups of cellphone-shaming such as these photos on Bored Panda. Context is necessary. I don’t miss the beauty in life just because I have a cellphone. And I don’t live any differently if I happen to forget my cellphone.
But none of what I’ve talked about so far incenses me as much as the mentality behind Parents on Phones, which posts photos of parents who just happen to be on their cellphones around their children. Oh, the horror!
When did society meet and decide that it’s inherently bad for a parent to dare do anything besides pay complete, 100% attention to their children at all times? I was not invited to this meeting, obviously, because I would’ve had a lot to say to the contrary.
Blame it on helicopter parenting or the overwhelming need to harness some make-believe past in which there were never televisions, radios, or other distractions in life. Blame it on the need for society to impose upon parents even more guilt (dude, really, it’s entirely unnecessary because parents feel guilt about everything).
I personally think the biggest risk / issue with smartphones is for families / parents. I think children can miss out when technology is a default / constant in their lives (e.g. playing a game on a phone to pass the time). I think parents and children can miss out when parents aren’t fully engaged with what is happening, e.g. reading on the phone while at the park or while playing at home.
— From the comments section of this excellent post
So much has been written about this topic.
There are articles that come out periodically just to reinforce Bad Technology, like how parents who use smartphones around their kids are crankier, as opposed to just being plain cranky like everyone else.
And when one man talks about the pluses of working from his cellphone in his experience as a parent, of course there is backlash.
I think this is a poor attempt at rationalizing bad behavior. Children need attention and I’d argue a fully attentive care giver is preferable to a distracted, partly attentive parent. Be a parent and be present in your children’s life.
— From the comments
Because not being there at all is preferable to being half-focused. Riiighhht.
I take a lot of issue with the argument that children need attention 24/7. I actively encourage my child to be independent, to play independently and to allow her imagination to grow. On the flip side, I play with her, read to her, sing with her and laugh with her every single day.
As with everything, moderation is key. Just like I tell Alexa to put away her toys from time to time, I sometimes tell the entire family, “Let’s put away our phones!” It’s that simple.
On the playground, we explore together. Then I sit back. I let her do her own thing, and I do my own thing. I keep one eye on her, and the other on my book (which, yes, I can read on my cellphone) and the mom eyes in the back of my head keep watch over the rest of the playground. When she calls for me, I drop everything to answer her.
And guess what? We often play together on my cellphone.
GASP.
Judge away.
We trace letters. We record plays with “paper” Disney princesses. We go shopping together at the supermarket. We look at photos and talk about the things we see there. Our cellphone playtime has led to many a fun conversation.
Cellphones a bad thing? Not in my house.
